Approximately Adam: A Rough Day

April 04, 2005
A Rough Day

Today was in many ways a truly disconcerting day. The good news is that on my second try in the new room, I finally made it satisfactorily through the night. The bad news is that the two tests I blew off last week to make the move-in happen were received truly abysmal F’s: a 21/46 in Computer Science and a 23/70 in Calculus. The latter couldn’t have been helped because this teacher is just so out of left field. I’m really disappointed in the situation with the Calc grade though, because if I had had the time to just run through the study guide I would have done, if not great, atleast significantly better than I did. The low grade means I’m going to max out at an 86 for this quarter if I get a 100 on everything else; and there’s no way I’m going to get a 100 on everything else. The low grades also mean I have a shitload of meetings with various personalities over the course of this upcoming week, to see how I might contain the damage and to explore whether or not withdrawing for a grade of W might not be the best answer. If it is, I’ve just got to say how disappointing after making it through roughly half the work. In each case, the test is my only problematic grade.
On the plus side, I got a 95 on my Film Arts exam, which means I’m as of now still on track for an A. He’d strongly desire the paper in by class on Wednesday, but he’s taking them until next Monday with no lost credit. I still hope to get it done by then, but it’s probably going to entail a significant investment in my time, and with all of the meetings etc, I just don’t know if I’ll have time before the weekend. But if I’m staying in CS, the project is also due Sunday, so either way I’m going to out of time if I don’t get the paper done by Wednesday. I think I’m going to make a solid effort for it. As far as I know, I have nothing major to work on tomorrow (if I can get the test corrections done tonight) so I’ll probably just go and find a quiet place to watch the movie and take notes. The paper only has to be 3 pages double-spaced, so getting enough content shouldn’t be problem. It’s the analysis and distillation of my ideas that will be the problem, if anything.
Speaking of Film Arts, when I got out of class today at a quarter of eight it was still bright out – very disconcerting. I found that calling Grandma while the sun was still up lost a bit of the intimate feeling that the LBJ lounge in darkness provided. I was encouraged by the long new nights, which are positively fantastic in the summer. But when I just can’t wait for this school year to be over, it serves to stretch Mondays, which were formerly over in the blink of an eye, out far longer than I’d really desired.
That’s pretty much it. I tend to avoid writing entries when I’m anxious or depressed, and so have spent most of the night in this NRH lab on Google News and the like putting it off. But I knew it was something that I needed to sort through; I can feel the acid in several places in my gut. The plus side is that the depression gives me a focus that the generalized anxiety denied me. When I can get lost in a state of mind, it helps erect a barrier between my world and the rest of reality. This is especially useful when living out of a dorm, since I currently have no conscious means to do it.

^{posted by Adam at 23:59 |}

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