November 29, 2005
Frustration and HopeIt's almost astonishing how a day which began so horribly can be full of such depth, wonder, humanity, and hope. Okay, the morning wasn't all bad: the speech I helped write in public speaking was one of the first times I showed my Emerson peers my funny side. But then American Politics came. The lecture was the same old liberal prep talk we usually get. I get my test back: "18 — you earned the lowest grade in the class. See Me." That I studied had no impact, that I still felt half the anwsers he'd given zero credit for seemed right didn't matter. The fact that I was surrounded by a class - many of whom probably don't even know who the secretary of defense is much less how our political system works - did better than me in a class with "Politics" in the title frustrated me to know end. Failing the class seems all but iminent now. It will be a primary concern through the rest of the semester.
But it has not become the dominating factor of the night. Maia went to see "Rent" with me tonight, and the movie (which started out awkward, dry, and unfocused) finished by moving me to tears not once but thrice. Then we went back to her school and had a conversation about actual, deep meaningful truths that connected purely and simply. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't alone.
posted by Adam at 02:35 |
November 28, 2005
The Courage to Resist SimplificationI have heard alot of rhetoric about President Bush in the four or five years of his presidency. None is a more compelling argument than Gary Ross's masterpiece Pleasantville. This is a movie that challenges neither parties nor values nor ideas. It's far braver than that: it challenges the need for classifications like parties, values, and ideas. They simplify the world and make it easier to digest, true; but much like pureed food it's bland and unsatisfying. This is the reason primaries always pick the worst possible candidate and the voters are ambivilant. The same simplifications intended to make voting easier and boost turnout keep the targeted audience out.
So say that grief is beautiful, hard work is the only good work, and what a candidate will do different is far more important that which status quo their campaign signs say.
I know plenty of people that are happier than me. I know plenty of people that drive themselves to get more out of life than I settle for. But I know few who approach the world with the complexity, laughter, sorrow, pain, and joy that I do. I know few who would smile at the beauty of a man so utterly in love with his wife to suffer a complete breakdown at her death bed. I know few who would snarl so ferociously at debates where primmed and pampered smiling faces trade childish barbs with empty prepared speeches. I plunge readily into utter depression too often, yes, but I experience moments of joy that I could not imagine living life without.
There are simple people whom I admire that find happiness with what they have. There are fireballs I admire that blaze through life, lighting a spark in every room they pass through. But simple pleasures would not satisfy me, and blazing through life would miss far too many details.
I spent an evening with my good friend. I felt the joy of bouncing ideas back and forth with an severely intelligent other soul. I felt the frustration when I could not reach places the other dwelt, and when he was not equipped to make connections I thought were essential. But mostly I felt the contentment of once again sharing the same spaces and wavelengths of a person I've witnessed grow from a meek, insecure little boy to an outspoken, confident young man whose particular gifts and shortcomings I can navigate like the back of my hand.
Only connect, however you can. Anything else is open to contradiction and its own perils. The worst peril in engaging the world is failing to ever engage at all.
posted by Adam at 00:41 |
November 17, 2005
An Objectively Good DayI realized sometime after I got off the phone with my parents tonight that today was — by any standard, even home standards — a pretty decent day. True, I only got one or two hours of sleep last night, and walking to the Kenmore stop this morning probably didn't save me any time on my commute.
But I felt like the debate when really well in public speaking. I felt like I got some good questions in during my Discovering Journalism class. More importantly, having lunch at the dining hall, I had one of my first decent conversations with Alex from my group. My hearing is so lousy that since she sits on the other side of Andy in class, I can seldom hear what she's saying. It was good to connect with someone outside my normal social circles, even in such a typically average and sort of mundane kind of way.
Then that afternoon my Newsgathering class had Jimmy Golen come to speak, one of the two sports writers the Associated Press has in Boston. His speech patterns and body language really exemplify the kind of guy who lives on the deadline. He was candid and honest in a way that that the rah-rah speakers really don't convey. In short, I found it fascinating.
Immediately after, I met up with Maia and we ate dinner at the Emerson dining hall. I got my usual pasta and marinara sauce only to discover that it was waffle day. Needless to say, I indulged. Sometimes small little refreshing changes in habits can have a profound impact on outlook. Following dinner, we took the green line to Park Street then switched over to the red line and took it to the Kendall stop. The point of the meet-up was a free movie pass I'd scored at the Kendall Square cinema. We had no idea where it actually was, but fortunately one of the employees outside the Marriott was able to help.
The theater was a bit packed when we got there, but we still managed to find seats up front. After a short with Rosario Dawson sponsored by Glamour (they had a very swishy rep on hand who talked before the projector kicked on) the feature came on. I'm not going to say that Bee Season is one of the best films I've seen this year, but I will certainly say that it's the most unique. I tried writing my review once already, but it resists summarization and clean-cut analysis. I do know that the role the divine plays in this movie more accurately captures my own feelings on the divine than any film I've seen before. It was a wholly new experience at the theater which is so rare for me any more, even if the ending was disappointingly pedestrian.
After the T, we hit up the Dunkin' Donuts by my building (Regular gas: $2.25 9/10) and then I called home, though I didn't have too much to say this time. I fiddled about on the computer for a while before eventually catching up on the most recent "Boondocks" and "My Name is Earl" episodes. Both were often laugh out loud funny. "Earl" voyaged a little ways toward genuine sentiment. Perhaps the best episode so far.
Meanwhile, apartment life was calm and peaceful. Now that I'm confortable going pants-less here, and now that I've got the fan and heater worked out to make that happen, it makes everything else far more comfortable too. With rare exceptions, my room here in the apartment is a comfortable place to be.
posted by Adam at 03:55 |
November 14, 2005
Peace and IntermissionThe professor never showed for my ten o'clock class, so I have a little free time to unload. Generally things are going quite well; I'm still riding on the positive vibes from my weekend home. Despite almost missing the bus on Wednesday after forgetting my ticket and running the marathon of my life to get back to the station just in the nick of time, the weekend home was actually a really positive experience.
My dad and I got in two hikes: one way out in Rensellerville, the other through the Vlommankill at Five Rivers. We also watched Once Upon a Time in the West, which I had bought him for his birthday, along with a few other things. Alex also just got the computer from his parent's work, so I "pimped it out" (his term not mine). The overall effect was a low-key weekend, and that's just what I wanted/needed.
This week's going to be a bit of a bitch because I have a debate on Wednesday (of which the large brunt of the work still remains ahead of me) and then I want to have my part of my JR101 team's second wiki done before I go back home for Thanksgiving.
Depending on what's going on in my classes Wednesday, I may go home Friday afternoon. If that's the case, I'll be able to go with my parents up to Potsdam and visit Grandma Casey. I haven't have much of an opportunity to do so since I first left to college, so that would be nice. I'm afraid that since Mike Brown skipped out today, though, he'll have a bunch of important stuff for Monday's class to make up for it. We shall see.
posted by Adam at 10:44 |
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Adam Freelance Film Critic
Albany, NY
Boston, MA
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