January 29, 2005
Peace Within ContradictionThe world presses in from all sides, harder and harder. The pressure never ceases; when one barrier is placed against it, it finds a new way to breach through. And after a few weeks of constant pressure, as my entire future in shambles lays out like a vision in front of me, I feel atlast like I'm okay. Let the pressure push me where it will. And now I must shit.
And boy did I; that was atleast a half an hour. So the pressure continues to push, and with the exception of the most pressing bowel call, I no longer pay it unneccessary heed.
posted by Adam at 04:31 |
January 18, 2005
Well that certainly sucks!During my Project-Based Calculus workshop, aside from getting back an abysmal quiz grade, I learned that my Computer Science 2 project was due not a week from Sunday but this Sunday. As I already have a major paper due for Evolving English due a week from Thursday which I had planned to take care of this weekend; well, let's just say that the next week and a half are going to be interesting. On top of spending every waking moment at either class or the CS Labs, I have to find two people to write me recommendations for transfer applications, actually fill out the transfer applications, and get them all in. Many are due at the end of this month. It's going to be a hell of a balancing act. Add on to that mid-terms in said Evolving English class and a Calc finally I need to do well on, and you have a hell of a stressful situation. But as Lois said on last night's (above average) "Malcolm in the Middle" to Malcolm, "You and I - we're burrowers. We're at out best when our heads are down and we're grinding through a mountain of drudgery."
posted by Adam at 01:06 |
January 17, 2005
Riding out the Highs and LowsIf today proved anything, it's that you got to just ride the lows to reach the highs and remember that the lows actually are temporary. Also, it's equally important to remember that the simple act of taking a shower (especially if it takes more than twenty mintues) can be as much of a spiritual cleansing as a physical one. Sometimes, even with troubling events on the horizon, you need to just relax and let yourself take it on. Sometimes you just need to regroup and re-gather, and worry about dealing with problems if they come back again at all. And that, boys and girls, is my message for the night.
posted by Adam at 01:40 |
January 14, 2005
21 Grams and a Comic StripComing out of the 21 Grams showing at Ingle tonight, I accidentally listened in on the conversation of the people behind me. When the girl mentioned Gabe, my ears perked up. By the time she mentioned Tycho by name, I'd already know what she was talking about; for I had already read the particular entry of "Penny Arcade" being related. I'm not sure why that's so important, but I felt it worth noted as it is the first time I can recall my internet world bleeding out into the real world. I also found it surprising that it was the girl and not the guy who had committed the strip to memory. One of the quirks of attending a geek school I suppose.
Earlier I was thinking about what this particular entry would cover and I was going to talk about what a positively beautiful day it was here; 63 degrees with blue skies - I didn't even need my jacket! But both my walk to and from the movie was rainy, with the return trip particularly so. If only the film were remotely near worth it.
21 Gram is the first film in a long time that I've actually considered walking out on. The non-linear editing initially intrigues then becomes a chore that for a film whose running time far exceeds the amount the material warranted. The almost frantic attack on Christianity and a weak, super-PC stance on drug usage. There were moments that affected me on a visceral level but never a moment that felt emotionally honest to me. Napoleon Dynamite was horrible as well, but atleast it had enough of a spark to make me hate it. I left 21 Grams totally unaffected, feeling like I'd just wasted two hours unnecessarily.
Still, it's good to get outside, I suppose.
posted by Adam at 00:33 |
January 12, 2005
Wild Winter RideRight now it's 11:33 at night in ROCHESTER and my roommate and I have the window open. It's 51 degrees right now with a high of 63 projected for tomorrow. Earlier today I had to pull myself back from the precipice a bit. That lurking feeling of the enevitability of my existence started rushing at me and I had to sideline it for a while. It's went that train hits me head on that the crazy shit happens. I decided tonight that denial, as it happens is not always a bad thing. Sometimes you have to just shut down, sit back, and let yourself breathe for a while. I'm probably looking at a C in Calculus and maybe a C in Computer Science. Hopefully I can get my shit together for my other classes and CS may still be salvagable. Tomorrow I have an eight hour day. But tonight I just listen to music and shoot the shit, as it were.
posted by Adam at 23:51 |
Disappointments and Small VictoriesIt came down to the buzzer. Having spent an hour just figuring out what they were asking - the Computer Science department's writing skills don't match up to their computing skills - I fired away and got something done right before the buzzer. I doubt I'll get much higher than 20/30 if I even get that. And yet, the whole time I thought I'd lost my backpack with two expensive textbooks inside. In the end I forgot to bring it with me. In situations like these, the world has a funny way of balancing out. I came back to my room and found a similar message in last week's episode of "Joan": Hold on!
Making it through these next several weeks while balancing ever increasing school work with transfer applications and ensuring that my academic standing will remain transfer-worthy is going to be an enormous focus. But in one of the great paradoxes of my life, I have never felt more centered at RIT. I have a focus and an objective. For now, my only task is to remain in the game, snatching bits of happiness and inspiration where I come across them. It's a strange feeling, coming to accept that there might be a place for me in the grand epic mix-up we call civilization. Doubtless the feeling won't last but for the moment, even as bad grades pile up with the good ones, I feel like I'm at last glimpsing the potential I can allow myself to achieve. I may not end being famous, but I hope I can achieve epic in my own private little way. And no, that's not sexual innuendo.
posted by Adam at 01:56 |
January 11, 2005
Jerry MaGuire is fucking greatOver the weekend, while Alex and Darren were up to visit, I purchased the Jerry Maguire DVD on a whim at Walmart for ten bucks. Tonight, after a week of solid nights at the Computer Science lab, I finally sat down and watched it. I'd seen the film before, but only on TV - edited and with commercial interruption. This time, with headphones cranked and lights dimmed, the dorm room faded away. The memo - excuse me, mission statement! - inspired me to rise above my average life and my average personality. The women of this film inspired me to avoid settling for a convenient situation. Will this feeling last until tomorrow? Who knows. But for now, for the first time in a long time, I feel like a little bit of home has slipped into my residence hall. Over the weekend, Darren commented that the quote from Garden State on my door - the one that wondered, "You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? That idea of home is gone. Maybe that's all family really is: A group of people who miss the same imaginary place." - was depressing. Tonight I found my argument against this. Home is people, home is memory, home is a feeling. Family, for all it's quirks and misfortunes is connected by that deep and essential root. When I'm with my family, whether it be in my house or in a hotel room halfway across the world, I'm home. If I can someday look back and call my life success, it will be because long after my parents have passed on I'll have spent the intervening years with people that give me that feeling of home. Jerry MaGuire let me feel that, and that I guess is the difference between the people who get it and those who don't. Do get a glimpse of home from the journey of Cameron Crowe's titular sport agent in flux?
posted by Adam at 01:35 |
January 01, 2005
Happy 2005!I go back to the shitty place tomorrow. For now, here are my Top 10 Films of 2004:
| 1) | The Incredibles | | 2) | Garden State | | 3) | Spider-Man 2 | | 4) | Miracle | | 5) | The Passion Of The Christ | | 6) | Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story | | 7) | Kill Bill: Vol. 2 | | 8) | Spanglish | | 9) | Starsky & Hutch | | 10) | Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban |
posted by Adam at 15:46 |
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Adam Freelance Film Critic
Albany, NY
Boston, MA
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