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May 16, 2006
Goodbye, "Malcolm in the Middle." Hello the rest of my life.
I remember the first time I watched "Malcolm in the Middle." I was halfway through my final year of middle school. For the several weeks prior, Fox had been advertising a weird little show about a messed up family that used goofy camera angles and unattractive people. I tuned it. I laughed, but more importantly, I related.
I watched it regularly through the first four seasons. I watched it frequently during the next two. For the final one, season seven, I finally bailed out after episode nine, with the half serious promise that I'd catch up with the whole season after I was done with school. And then I came home. I slept a lot. I got bored. And shockingly, slowly but surely, I did. Episodes 10-13 in one night. It was a joy. 14-18 followed. Then tonight, having wrapped up last night with the wonderful "Bomb Shelter", I finally hit the last batch — far too soon. Episode 19-22. Just when the series had become great enough again to really mourn its loss. I watched 19-21. I laughed. And then I watched episode 22, and laughed and smiled, and stalked around the house with that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"Graduation" didn't give us one last great hurrah, leaving the door open to TV movies or reunion specials. It moved things forward, it evolved, and more than that, it emphasized how much things are always in flux. That feeling in the pit of my stomach was the same one I got when I graduated. I spent the majority of my freshman year of college with that feeling seemingly permanantly in the pit of my gut. Hell, I spent every fall in high school with that feeling in my gut.
I liked things the way they were. I was happy already. Why do things need to change? The show that has been a constant bit of background in my life, one more little shed of consistency in an ever evolving social landscape, is gone tonight. And it had the nerve to remind me just how final the good bye was.
What it also said, if I ever have the courage to listen, is that some things never change. We take our past with us wherever we go. Even if, someday, I should find myself completely and utterly alone, both parents dead and all friends left, I will carry with me each and every one of them. The miserable "me" that would stand there on that dreadful day would have the markings of my wonderful parents all over him. Each friend would color what he says and how he says it. Even stupid shit, movies... and TV shows like "Malcolm in the Middle", will have helped in his crafting.
And looking at now, even single and socially stunted, there are plenty of bright spots. I had a professor write and tell me she expects great things from me. Who knows if I'll meet her expectations, but at least I'm a worthy enough for expectations at all. My stagnant social circle is full of people that, some through gestures mighty and some through gestures small, show me that they love me or at the very least enjoy my company genuinely. Cruel and verbally abusive as I sometimes am, I have managed in the last year to finally feel comfortable about letting them know how I feel about all of them. With the exception of tonight, I've had more and more hope mixed in with the fear.
"Malcolm" will be missed. At its best, like tonight, I am reminded that there are no modern shows that reach its caliber. But the modern shows offer me different things, lighter things, less piercing things, but valuable things none the less. But like Malcolm's family, I am different than I was in eighth grade, six and a half years ago. It was time for them to move on, before I stopped bothering to catch up. And perhaps it's time for me to move on too.
  posted by Adam at 00:53 | 0 comments

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