Approximately Adam: The right questions

September 05, 2008
The right questions

I've spent much of this summer zigzagging between anxiety and depression; graduation hit me like a brick wall that, having stopped me in my tracks, now seemed to prevent me from ever moving forward. The greatest joys in my life have always come from partaking in a community of ideas, even if that community is found between the covers of a book. Over the years, I have tried at various junctures to assume a pose -- to craft an image of myself as I'd like to be seen. To my detriment or my credit, I was never really good at it; the falseness, I think, shown through to anyone paying attention. Whether from growing up an only child or from spending as much time alone as I always have, I had a strong sense of own identity -- the kind of person I wanted to be and kind of decisions I wanted to make.
That identity has collided with a world that demands faceless uniformity, efficient cogs that perpetuate the capitalist ideal. Those ideals, to be rich and successful at the top of a given industry, have never resonated with me. But in the absense of those ideals, what is left in a very shallow and consumercentric American culture?
My problem is that I have asked the wrong question, approached the quandary from the wrong perspective. "What do I want to do with my life?" is less important a question than "What kind of person do I want to be?" Because that person can work any job and lead any life, as long as he holds himself to the right standards. What I take out of the world is far less important than what I put into it; laughter, joy, understanding, perspective, and love.

^{posted by Adam at 00:07 |}

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