September 07, 2004
Day FiftyI've just come back from the first long, hot, refreshing shower since I left home. As I type this I feel calm and once again on top of things. I wouldn't have even felt this possible around eight when I, after plowing through the first fifteen pages of my Cultural Anthology textbook in a noiser-than-expected library, decided I couldn't take it anymore. I found a nice relatively quiet place and despite an earlier pledge to myself to wait it out a day, called my mom and declared just how much I hate this place. She gave me what support she could, but no, I'd had enough; I plowed through all the optimism and laid out exactly how bad of a jam I was in and that no, I couldn't transfer out of this school before the end of the year and yes, I was definitely going to hate it. It was more articulate than that, and my reasoning was better founded than I'd like to admit, but when reduced to the bare essentials I find it reveals just how self-limiting I truly am. I ended up plowing all the way to the Field House in the rain just to discover that the leisure pool was closed. So I left there without finding fufillment from the fitness center but finding the basic comfort that comes with strolling through the rain. In closing on this fiftieth day of this little self-expository adventure, I've come to realize that, yes, Calc is going to be unbearable, and, yes, the gigantic blister on my right foot's going to cause me alot more trouble before it goes away. But I've also come to realize that my days here, my life here, is precisely what I make of it. If things go wrong at every turn, than I either cave and let that limit me, or continue striving for something better around the next turn. Even if it's in vain, it makes me feel a hell of a lot better. Now my roommate's trying to sleep, and I should too so Good Night.
posted by Adam at 23:40 |
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