The depression’s starting to set in a bit, already, however. One thing I’m sure of: There’s no way I’ll ever be happy pulling a regular 9 to 5 job unless I’m surrounded by people. Someone a month or so ago described the campus as “emotionally deadening”. That about sums it up; the rooms only have one tiny light above the door which means the room is permanently dark and gloomy. The fact that there were torrential downpours today and the whole campus was consumed by doom and gloom didn’t help matters.

The thing I miss the most, however, is being surrounded by an atmosphere of love and trust. No matter how bad a day got at home, I knew I’d be coming back to a house with two people who cared about me unconditionally. Here I am surrounded by strangers, and rather than worrying about getting enough emotional support, I worried about where to hide my laptop when other people come into the room. My parents leave tomorrow around lunchtime, and already I’m thinking about college in terms of a really nice and open prison; how long is it going to be before they visit or I get to come home? This isn’t the right attitude to have, obviously. The book said something about a film festival tomorrow. I plan on checking that out to see if I can meet anybody more my style. Hopefully I’ll get my internet problem worked out as well, so as to have a reasonable connection to the outside world. I was thinking about contacting this kid going here from high school, as well, but now I’m not so sure. I’m not entirely sure that’s a road I want to walk down, always looking to the past. I know one thing, however: I can’t take this loneliness for very long. I’m either going to meet some people or reconnect with some people or just plow through this year and transfer out afterwards. Something’s got to give; hopefully it will soon.

August 29th, 10:39 PM