Approximately Adam: Day Thirty-Two

August 21, 2004
Day Thirty-Two

After having learned something new about preparing Blueberry oatmeal via microwave, a thought popped into my head so worthwhile that I scrawled it on the envelope of a hospital notice as soon as I could put the bowl of steaming oatmeal down. The thought is this, which I think captures the two fundimental schools of thought about life:

"The thing about life is, each day is one step further along than the last. How you take this fact says alot about who you are."

The latter sentence was the result of a full tummy and a bit of thought. For so long I've spent life mourning the fact that each day takes me a little bit further away from the times I treasure. The thing that I've been missing, the key to happiness when you have no true reason to be sad, is that each day is also a step towards something newer, fuller, and excitingly unknown. Each day is a chance to question my perceptions of everything and come away a more complete person for it. Sure, some people choose to work off a bit more of what makes them worthwhile. But that is a choice, and as long as I can perceive the difference I should embrace that step. Truly, danger lurks around every turn. What I never really got, even though I've heard it countless times, is that the greatest danger lies in trying to remain still when the rest of the world is moving around you. The things you treasure won't be around in twenty years, so there's no point in waiting around for them. If you keep going foward too, with a little luck and grace, there will be a continued flow of new things to treasure. This is not a truth I can take much solace in, but it is a truth that clarifies many failings in my current school of thought. There will almost certainly be times in my future so bad as to make me disavow this statement. But taken from a moment totally free of burden and responsibility, distant from the complications of life, it is undoubtedly real and true.

Ironically, this all comes after an evening that has crystallized all that I'm leaving behind. I rented Starsky & Hutch and my parents watched it with me. Everyone walked away from it having had a pretty great time. My mother even thanked me for the Raisenettes. She's always loved Raisenettes, and I picked up the Sunmaid variety for her with a thing of Sour Patch Kids on a whim when I rented the flick. Such is my nature that this positive experience would have depressed the hell out of me yesterday. It is only after finally accepting the need to grow that I can enjoy the experience for what it was, without feeling guilty about it.

Work was it's own strange experience. Today I worked the last shift on the last day. I was saying good bye to everyone throughout. My direct boss left early to head off with her boyfriend to Cortland. I locked up our office alone. Through sheer fate, I walked out with the wonderful woman at the front desk and the department administrator. I've always been on good terms with the former, having been right next door and talked somewhat regularly. Due to the sheer difference in scope of our respective duties, however, I hadn't seen much of the adminstrator. We have a very nice conversation on the way out, but it was quite surreal having the top boss getting to know me as I leave for quite possibly the very last time. I wasn't quite prepared for the scenario at hand, and while I was polite I was alos far more terse than I'd have liked to have been. Still making an association even a little more human is an opportunity I appreciate more and more.

Time can seem like either a predator or a guide. For the first point in a long while, time just is for me. And that perception is far more satisfactory that I'd have thought it'd be.

^{posted by Adam at 00:26 |}

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