Approximately Adam: Day Eighty-Six

October 15, 2004
Day Eighty-Six

I just got back from watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I knew a revelation was imminent, having had one of the worst nights sleep of my life last night. Last night was the type of night where I was having such problems sleeping that I would have gone into my parents' room and waken my mother up and asked what to do. And she would have made it better. But I couldn't do that here, and so I was alone. I was alone lying a bed that was positively damp with my own sweat, and the nature of my alone-ness was driven home more than ever. I couldn't have gotten over five hours of sleep last night.

Right now, I'm fairly calm; my roommate has gone to bed, I'm having a decent time chatting it up with Darren, and a high school friend that's at Colgate now and I are having fun bitching about how much college sucks. And then I'm righting this.

Anyway, Eternal Sunshine jumpstarted all of the processes that I'd allowed apathy to shut down. Suddenly I was so full of feeling that I felt like I'd been stabbed - and that I was going to puke. I didn't even like the characters much, but the movie got the barest deepest rawest essentials of what a romance could be, and it reawakened something in me. Sometime that makes surviving here far more uncomfortable. But something that I realize now is essential. Love is pain, pain is love. I'm willing to accept the pain, so that I might love again.

^{posted by Adam at 01:22 |}

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