I was choked up a couple times today. What set it off was thinking about going apple-picking with my folks. I was thinking about whether I could squeeze it in on Saturday before I go out with the guys, and I realized that I would never get to casually do all of those little annual things I love to do with my folks. This, coupled with a fucking devastating turn in House of Sand and Fog, set me back into that despairing spiral. I tried calling my parents before dinner, no one was home. I choked my way through a turkey sub, then hit the woods behind Gracie's. I had an entirely too wasteful 24-minute conversation with them. Many comforting things were said; I wish I could remember them now.

I came back almost hopeful, but then my roommate's music drilled itself into my brain; even in the background my brain directly focused in on it. I eventually drowned it out with Fox News, and then waited around for someone to pop up online. I talked to Matt from high school, but he was pre-occupied, and that just cemented the isolation. Finally Darren came online and I'm talking to him now and I just can't remember exactly why I'm so down and why what my parents said helped, but I know it's really big and I'll have to sort it out in the morning.