Approximately Adam: Fighting Demons from Within and Without

January 22, 2006
Fighting Demons from Within and Without

Last night was the second night my one roommate had a bunch of people over late. This one was much worse. The smell and the noise, I've been able to deal with. But I was looking forward to coming back to the newest Battlestar, which wasn't a possiblility. I cruised the web, waiting for it to end and waiting for it to end. By my estimation it wrapped up somewhere between four and four-thirty am.
That would have been bad enough. But after waking up each morning since I've been back to pounding bass from the floor above, last night they start in with it even louder at three o'clock in the morning. And they added jumping up and down to the beat to the mix. I remembered that my headphones had a limited noise-cancelling effect and that with the volume cranked allowed me to block it out long enough to watch "Battlestar". When "Battlestar" was over, the place was still lit up but it was quiet enough to go to bed.
So I got to bed at 4:30 when previously since getting back I had been in bed every night before 3 am and up by 10:30. When coming back, I had been prepared for the status quo. Instead I have escalation, with greater problems with in the apartment and new problems with the neighbors above.
That in and of itself would be bad enough. But on top of it, I spent the day feeling sorry for myself, slowly building myself up to a depression. A lot of the R.I.T. tendencies I had spent the last semester slowly ridding myself of popped right back up. Now that I'm obsessively listening for the slightest disturbance, it becomes a self-fufilling prophecy. I've gone from just biding my time with the "alright" existence that entails to running a marathon to the end. I forgot what it felt like to be depressed - it sucks - and it's going to make the next fourteen weeks feel infinitely longer. Why can't I just let shit go?

^{posted by Adam at 23:10 |}

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