Throughout history, people have dedicated their lives to making a better future for their children. The story of America has been to unchain the next generation a little bit more from the ties that bind them down. Now we have an entire generation that is completely free to pursue any future they want. And not being led down the proper path by necessity, the vast majority of us are lost. No wonder the planet's going down the toilet.

I finally remember what "the other thing" I thought of on the crapper was last night. I was thinking about God and what place he has in my life as of now. Not be raised in a religiously devout household, I've never had what you'd call unshakable religious convictions. God's never really been a certainty in my life. As a child I accepted that He in fact was by the very virtue of the fact that everyone else seemed to. Now, as people fight court battles to change the Pledge of Allegiance and remove God from every level of society I'm not so sure. My worldview is inclusive of a greater something, even if that something is just the mechanics by which the universe operates. In rotting, I will rejoin the processes of life in a more direct fashion. But I wonder if there is not some sort of higher purpose in the meantime.

I've always persued religion with the caveat that I can never choose to follow a path in order to use God to prop up my existence. I always wanted to find contentment in a world without God before I explored my options for a higher power.

And yet now I find that making sense of a random universe is a more challenging task than I thought. If contentment is to be found, I feel, it surely must involve love. It is the idea of a loving God that allows Christianity to still hold so much sway with me. That and the immediacy of what Jesus is and represents. The Old Testement reads to me mostly like the tall tales of my younger days. The world of Jesus is one that I can relate to, if only fleetingly. And yet I'm still not convinced.

I was hoping for a storm today, but all we got was a little rain. I finished Prisoner of Azkaban and got a few chapters into Goblet of Fire. Damn I love how that one starts. Still, there's a disconnect. I fear I'm losing my ability to emotionally involve myself in fiction. And yet Star Wars: Medstar I - Battle Surgeons had me hook, line and sinker. Perhaps I will take a bath tonight and see if taking a stab at it away from the office doesn't provide a more rewarding experience.

Got my class schedule for R.I.T. today. Not as bad as I thought it'd be. My fingers are crossed for a manageable first term.

I think I'm gonna bring in a floppy to work and try writing some. Just sitting around there wasting away will drive me insane soon enough.

Speaking of writing, I used my I Love Books gift certificate, thus far completely useless, to buy a graduation gift for a friend. The cashier frigged up the transaction which led to the kind of non-confrontational humor that makes me hate this town increasingly much. Damn, I don't want to leave, but the people here are practically driving me out.

I got a profile pic up now. It's me kayaking at Old Forge. It's not the most flattering pic of me, but I think it sort of suits this blog.

The light bulb in my ceiling fan has been out for several days now. I think it would improve my mood drastically to have some light in my room. Damn my laziness. Damn it all to hell.

I'm working tomorrow, then going to a graduation party. Hopefully I'll actually know some people there other than the host. Either way, I can probably stay for about a half-hour and make polite conversation. She stuck through mine for that long.

I just pulled something of unknown origin off of my collar bone. I thought I'd killed a bug, but it doesn't look animal in nature. This makes me question what's falling from my ceiling.

I'm filled with the sensation of being very close to understanding something, and so will probably regret writing this entry so early, but for the moment I have focused my freedom into purpose and now I think I'll take that bath.